Night is at backwards noon with the moon drawing first wink. I respond with two winks, then grin twice as I step forward onto the cold sidewalk and feelings emerge. Mending the pain I stand at the concrete womb. Warmth gathers at the soles of my boots and I grin again. I then share the sound of the moon with the quiet clouds and the growling stomach of the night cricket.
I am surrounded by yellow tile and forced into fogged glass, killing time by planning to scratch off face fur. Intimacy builds at the end of the sharp iron and a new grin is revealed. Anxiety races through my veins and camps north of the brain. I must now plan war with the meds and face my fear. White, brown, white, 2, 4, 6, yes 2, 4, 6 I say with relief. My unconscious desires to feast on voice sex creeps in and numbers add onto my uncontrollable fetish.
3:33 A.M. now tickling the hairs on my wrist and I hang up the VISA fed phone hump. I am becoming aware of the day like a coyote and late night meat is reserving a room in my belly. Before I map out the nightly 2 blocks west I must defeat my efforts to shake and greet the goodbye door. My feet strike like a match as I glide strategically down the street, finally reaching the glowing stove dressed up in number 59. Selecting the booth facing the swinging hot door, I can eye the small smiles of Nelly. She understands that my mind is on crouches and knows the science to my departed meal.
In 2 hours a morning glow will rise from the south and my chances on sinking into a black dream is thin. I am battling sheep and my radio is suffering from a cold. Panic begins to build behind my eyes. My reading lamp, my books, my blue chair that was passed down by mother and even my favorite Waits album is mocking me. I want to vomit. I feel like as if I am trapped on a rollercoaster on reverse. My skin is screaming and so I am now tapping into the last of my meds as I settle myself into a corner away from the hell.
Time has grown into 6 A.M. and another night has left with the stars and the leaping cow. I find myself back outside with the now belly stuffed cricket ready to be brunch to the early song bird. I draw first wink at the morning moon and grin twice once again as I step forward onto the cold sidewalk and a feeling emerges….